First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
