he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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