Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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