we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
