the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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