And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
