if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
