It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
