I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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