Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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