im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
