I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You are the jesus of drinking
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
