He is an equal opportunity slut.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
