If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
