did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
