I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
