I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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