On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
