Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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