I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize