8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
