Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Fuck appropriateness.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
