I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize