God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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