i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize