Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
