His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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