I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
