the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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