i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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