Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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