girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
