so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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