is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
