my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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