genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
