My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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