I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
