So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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