is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
