Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
