Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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