first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
