I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
