5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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