I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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