I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
