how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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