C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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