I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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