That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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