I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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