Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
youre lurking in front of me
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
