Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish you could order shots online.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Someone signed my nipple.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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