I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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