I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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