your parents love me but you hate me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
