What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
