I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I skipped work to stalk him.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
