So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
