I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
