some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize