Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
