dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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