he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
