If you die in college, do you die in real life?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize