Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
