So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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