you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
