Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize