You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
