It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
