yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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