she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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