I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
