There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
