i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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