Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
