how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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