My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
