i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
