I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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