i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
