it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
