She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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