worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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