my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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