I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
