I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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