...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
