bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
