He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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