alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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