I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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