You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
