dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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