One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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