I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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