I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
