I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
