totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
