sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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