Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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