Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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