it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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