Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
