we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
