This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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