Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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