Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
