i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
