There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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