omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
